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Why Was he Born so Beautiful?
I Met a Whore in the
Park
I Used to Work in Chicago
Yogi
Oh, I Don't Want
to be Soldier
There was an Old lady ...
Jonestown
Charlotte the Harlot
Monday's a Working Day
Dinah
Future Prospective
The Wild Rover
If I were the Marrying
Kind
Moose
The Sexual Life Of A Camel
Balls to Your Partner
Abortion
Why was he born so beautiful
Why was he born at all
He's no fucking use to anyone
He's no fucking use at all
He should be publicly pissed on,
He should be publicly shot (bang, bang),
He should be tied to a urinal,
And left there to fester and rot.
So, DRINK chug-a-lug
Drink chug-a-lug
Drink chug-a-lug
DRINK!
Sung to the tune When Johnny Comes Marching Home.
I met a whore in the park one day
ya ho, ya ho
I met a whore in the park one day
ya ho, ya ho
I met a whore in the park one day
She said hey rugger, you wanna lay
Refrain:
Get in, Get out, quit fuckin' about
ya ho, ya ho, ya ho.
I put my hand upon her toe
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her toe
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her toe,
she said hey rugger you're way to low.
Refrain
I put my hand upon her knee
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her knee
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her knee,
she said hey rugger you're kiddin' me
Refrain
I put my hand upon her thigh
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her thigh
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her thigh,
she said hey rugger you're way to shy
Refrain
I put my hand upon her tit
ya ho ya
I put my hand upon her tit
ya ho ya
I put my hand upon her tit
she said, "hey rugger, you're getting it"
Refrain
I put my hand upon her twat
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her twat
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her twat,
she said hey rugger you hit the spot
Refrain
I put my dick into her mouth
yo ho, yo ho,
I put my dick into her mouth
yo ho, yo ho,
I put my dick into her mouth,
She said mmm, mhmh, mhmhm...
Refrain
I put her in a wooden box
ya ho, ya ho
I put her in a wooden box
ya ho, ya ho
I put her in a wooden box,
from havin' too many rugger's cocks
Refrain
I dig her up every now and then
ya ho, ya ho
I dig her up every now and then
ya ho, ya ho
I dig her up every now and then,
she did me before she'll do me again
Refrain
Now these few ruggers they went to hell
ya ho, ya ho
Soloist volunteer for each verse during the previous by raising their hand,
and are chosen by a chairman (or the consensus) pointing at them. Everyone
sings words in capital letters.
I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO AT AN OLD DEPARTMENT STORE,
I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO I DON'T WORK THERE ANYMORE
A LADY CAME IN for some paper
SOME PAPER FROM THE STORE?
Paper she wanted, a ream she got
I DON'T WORK THERE ANYMORE!
I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO AT AN OLD DEPARTMENT STORE,
I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO I DON'T WORK THERE ANYMORE
A LADY CAME IN for some jewelry
SOME JEWELRY FROM THE STORE?
Jewelry she wanted, a pearl necklace she got
I DON'T WORK THERE ANYMORE!
And similarly:
Carpet she wanted, shag she got
Nail she wanted, screw she got
Fishing rod she wanted, my pole she got
Meat she wanted, sausage she got
Beef she wanted, pork she got
Helicopter she wanted, my chopper she got
Camel she wanted, hump she got
Translator she wanted, cunning linguist she got
Kit Kat she wanted, four fingers she got
Pencil Newton-Raphson she wanted, pen iteration she got
Fuck she wanted, fuck she got
Ad infinitum
Soloist volunteer for each
verse during the previous by raising their hand, and are chosen by a chairman
(or the consensus) pointing at them. Everyone sings words in capital letters.
I know a bear that you all know,
Yogi, YOGI,
I know a bear that you all know,
Yogi, Yogi Bear.
YOGI, YOGI BEAR,
YOGI, YOGI BEAR,
I KNOW A BEAR THAT YOU ALL KNOW,
YOGI, YOGI BEAR.
Yogi's got a little friend,
Booboo, BOOBOO,
Yogi's got a little friend,
Booboo, Booboo Bear.
BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR,
BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR,
YOGI'S GOT A LITTLE FRIEND,
BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR.
And similarly:
Yogi's got a girlfriend, Suzi,
Suzi, Suzi Bear.
Yogi's got an enemy, Ranger
Ranger, Ranger Smith
Yogi's got a cheesy knob, cammum,
Cammum, Camembert.
Suzi likes it on the fridge, polar,
Polar, polar bear.
Booboo likes it up the arse, brown,
Brown, brown bear.
Suzi hates it up the arse, something,
Something she cant bear.
Yogi's dick is long and green, cucum,
Cucum, cucumber.
Suzi likes to shave her pubes, grizzly,
Grizzly, grizzly bare.
Ad infinitum
Oh, I don't want to be a soldier
I don't want to join the fightin' class
I just want to go
Down to old Soho
Pinchin' all the girlies in the shoulder blades
Oh, I don't want to see the Queen's dominions
Why -London's- full o' girls I've never 'ad
I just want to stay in England
Jolly jolly England
And follow in the footsteps of me dad
So call out the members of the Queen's Marines
Call out the King's Artillery
Call out me mother
Me sister and me brother
But for Chrissake don't call me
Monday night me 'and was on her ankle
Tuesday night me 'and was on her knees
Wednesday night, success!
I lifted up her dress
Thursday night I lifted up her silk chemise
Well, Friday night I got me 'and upon it
Saturday night I gave it just a tweak
Sunday after supper
I finally got in up her
And now I'm payin' thirty bob a week (Gorblimey...)
Call out the members of the Queen's Marines
Call out the King's Artillery
Call out me mother
Me sister and me brother
But for Chrissake don't call me
Oh, I don't want to join the Navy
And I don't want to go to war
I just want to 'ang around
Piccadilly underground
Livin' off the earnings of an 'igh-class lady
I don't want a bullet up me backside
An' I don't want me knockers shot away
I just want to stay in England
Jolly jolly England
And fornicate me bloomin' life away
So call out the members of the Queen's Marines
Call out the King's Artillery
Call out me mother
Me sister and me brother
But for Chrissake don't call me
There was an old lady who lived
in the street,
Her passage was blocked up from too much to eat,
She took stomach pills without reading the box,
Before she could think turds were flying for blocks.
Chorus:
Too-ra-li, too-ra-li, too-ra-lay, too-ra-lay,
A rolling stone gathers no moss so they say,
Sing along, sing along, with the birds, with the birds,
It's a wonderful song but it's all about turds.
Well she ran to the window and stuck out her arse,
Just at that moment a p'liceman came past,
That poor old p'liceman was eating his pie,
Whena steaming hot turd hit him right in the eye,
[Chorus]
Well he ran to the East and he ran to the West,
When a further consignment hit him right in the chest,
Well he fled to the North and he fled to the South,
When a bloody great turd hit him right in the mouth.
[Chorus]
The next time you walk over Waterloo bridge,
Look out for a p'liceman asleep on the ridge,
His chest bears a plackard, around it these words,
"Be kind to this cop who's been blinded by turds"
[Chorus twice]
Sung to the tune of "Downtown."
When your down and your broke, and your religion's a joke
Why don't you go and see
Jim Jones
When your life's incomplete, there's only one man to meet
Why don't you go and see
Jim Jones
Refrain
Watch him mix the Cool aid in the vat so lethal
Listen to the anguished cries of all the dying people
Everyone dies.
The rev's the most gracious host
So, lift up your glasses, the ultimate toast
(So, lift up you glasses, the durge of the masses)
Your in Jonestown
Drink with the reverend Jim
Jonestown
Chances are mighty slim
Jonestown
People are dropping like flies.
Congressman Ryan, on a mission of spyin'
Would not drink with
Jim Jones
Such a public disgrace, they had to blow off his face
'Cause he would not drink with
Jim Jones
Refrain
First you cough and you wheeze, then you drop to your kness
From drinking Cool aid with
Jim Jones
You arrive back in the States, decomposed in your crates
From drinking Cool aid with
Jim Jones
Refrain
Jonestown, Jonestown (repeat in diminuendo)
Way
down on the prairie where cow shit is thick,
Where women are women and cowpokes cum quick;
There lived pretty Charlotte, the girl we adore,
The pride of the prairie, the cowpunchers' whore.
Chorus:
It's Charlotte the harlot,
The girl we adore,
The pride of the prairie,
The cowpunchers' whore.
She's dirty, she's vulgar, she spits in the street,
Whenever you see her, she's always in heat.
She'll fuck fer a dollar, take less or take more,
The pride of the prairie, the cowpunchers' whore.
Chorus
One day in the canyon, no pants on her quim,
A rattlesnake saw her and flung himself in,
Charlotte the harlot gave cowboys the frights,
With the only vagina that rattles and bites.
Chorus
One day on the prairie, while riding along,
My seat in the saddle, the reins on my dong,
Who should I meet but the girl I adore
The pride of the prairie, the cowpunchers' whore.
Chorus
I got off my pony, I reached for her crack,
The damn thing was rattling and biting me back
I took out my pistol, I aimed for its head
I missed the damned rattler and shot her instead.
Chorus
Her funeral procession was forty miles long,
With a chorus of cowpunchers singing this song:
"Here lies a young maiden we'll fuck nevermore
The pride of the prairie, the cowpunchers' whore."
This is sung with a leader in call and response.
Monday's a working day!
Monday's a working day!
Is everybody happy?
You bet your ass we are!!
Do-do do-do do-do do-do
Do-do do-do do-do!! (Spin around here with your
beer on your head... no I'm serious)
Monday's a working day!
Tuesday's a finger day!
Is everybody happy?
Monday's a working day!
Tuesday's a finger day!
Wednesday's a tounging day!
Is everybody happy?
Monday's a working day!
Tuesday's a finger day!
Wednesday's a tounging day!
Thursday's a fucking day!
Is everybody happy?
Monday's a working day!
Tuesday's a finger day!
Wednesday's a tounging day!
Thursday's a fucking day!
Friday's a drinking day! (Don't say anything...
drink your beer for chris-sake)
Is everybody happy?
Monday's a working day!
Tuesday's a finger day!
Wednesday's a tounging day!
Thursday's a fucking day!
Friday's a drinking day! (Don't say anything...
drink your beer for chris-sake)
Saturday's a rugby day!!
Is everybody happy?
Monday's a working day!
Tuesday's a finger day!
Wednesday's a tounging day!
Thursday's a fucking day!
Friday's a drinking day! (Don't say anything...
drink your beer for chris-sake)
Saturday's a rugby day!!
Sunday is a day of rest (Look angelic and say...)
Amen.
Refrain:
Dinah, Dinah, show us your legs
Show us your legs
Show us your legs
Dinah, Dinah, show us your legs
A yard above your knee.
A rich girl drives a limousine
A poor girl drives a truck
But the only ride that Dinah has
Is when she has a fuck.
A rich girl wears a brassiere
A poor girl uses string
But Dinah uses nothing at all
She lets the bastards swing.
A rich girl has a ring of gold
A poor girl one of brass
But the only ring that Dinah has
Is the one around her arse.
A rich girl uses vaseline
A poor girl uses lard
But Dinah uses axle grease
Because her cunt's so hard
A rich girl uses sanitary towel
A poor girl uses sheets
But Dinah uses nothing at all
And leaves a trail along the streets.
So here we are.... (repeat
every line) We're at it again
We're moving out,... we're moving in...
The other night we went to town
To have a drink and look around.
The cutest girl, I ever saw
Was sipping bourbon through a straw
I picked her up and laid her down
Her tight blue jeans came tumbling down.
I pulled it in, I pulled it out
It felt so good I had to shout.
The wedding was a formal one
Her father had a two-shot gun.
And now I have a mother in law
And four damned kids, they call me da.
The moral of the story is clear
Instead of bourbon stick to beer.
I've played the wild rover
for many a year
And I've spent all me money on whiskey and beer.
And now I'm returning with gold in great store,
And I never will play the wild rover no more.
Chorus:
And it's no, nay, never (right up your kilt!)
No, nay, never, no more,
Will I play the wild rover,
No, never, no more.
I went into an alehouse I used to frequent,
And I told the landlady me money was spent.
I asked her for credit, she answered me nay,
Such custom as yours I can have any day.
Repeat Chorus
I reached into me pocket, pulled out sovereigns bright,
And the landlady's eyes opened wide with delight.
She said "I have whiskey and wines, all the best,
And the words that I spoke you were only in jest."
Repeat Chorus.
I went home to me parents, confessed what I oughtta,
And asked them to pardon their prodigal daughter.
And as they caressed me as oft times before,
I promised to play the wild rover no more.
Repeat Chorus.
If I were a marrying kind
I thank the lord I'm not sir
the kind of man that I would be
would be a rugby +++++++++
prop sir
prop sir?
'cause i'd support a hooker
and you'd support a hooker
we'd all support a hooker together
we'd be alright in the middle of the night
supporting hookers together
(the next verses change "prop" with the first line
and "support a hooker" with the second line)
2nd row
sniff butt
scrum half
put it in
halftime orange
get sucked
spectator on a rainy day
come in rubbers
spectator on a sunny day
come again
goal post
stand erect
grounds keeper #1
trim bush
grounds keeper #2
do lines
boot
come in boxes
cleat
get screwed
ball
pumped
whistle
blown
Chorus: Moose! Moose! I like
a moose!
I’ve never had anything quite like a moose.
I’ve had many women my like has been loose
But I’ve never had anything quite like a moose!
When I was a young man I used to like girls
I’d fondle their bodies I’d play with their curls
‘Til my wife ran away with a saleman named Bruce
Now you’d never be treated that way by a moose
I’ve done it with all kinds of beasties with hair
I’d do it with snakes if their fangs were not their
I’ve done it with cats, dogs, gazelles, and a goose
But I’ve never had anything quite like a moose.
Gorillas are fine on a Saturday night
Lions and tigers they put up a fight.
But it’s just not the same when you ram their caboose
As the feeling you get when you when you’re shagging a moose.
In Minnesota the girls are quite nice
But in ____________ they treat you like ice
But all through the world moose are the same
They always come softly when called by name.
Al my life I have traveled around
Looking for someplace nice to settle down
Now I’m so glad that I live in Duluth
Because the area’s so well populated with Moose
When I am down and feeling all alone
I drink some Jack Daniels and get a little bit stoned
I go down to the creek where the long willows grow
And find me a moose with his balls hanging low
When I'm in the need for a very good lay,
I go to the closet and pull out some hay,
I open the window and spread it around,
Because moose will come running when there’s hay to be found.
Women like pearls and diamonds and cars,
I spend all my money on them in the bars,
But a moose is content to be tied to a tree,
While I find other mooses to satisfy me,
When I was much younger I read dirty books,
I stroked myself with each gazing look,
But nothing can make my eyes start to twinkle,
Like the feeling I get jacking off to Bullwinkle.
Up on the hill, on a very cold night
My girlfriend was frigid, she put up a fight
So I left her right there as she lay on the ground
To go down to the creek where the moose could be found.
In many a bar I have often been led
In many of these you can find a moose head
But damn it to hell I cannot let this pass
On my wall I’d rather have a moose’s ass.
My doctor told me rugby’s bad for my health
I’d thought I’d give it up just to save myself
I’ll give up my beer and my vodka-orange juice
But there’s no way in hell that I’ll give up my moose.
The peoples of old they had their icons.
The greeks and the romans, the amazons.
But get away God, Allah, Buddah and Zeus
I’ll only go down on my knees for a moose.
When I am an old man, advanced in my years
I’ll look back on my life and shed me no tears
I’ll sit in my rocker with a glass of Matoose
Playing hide the salami with Marvin the Moose.
First Chorus:
Singin' rub titty titty rub titty titty
titty rub titty rub titty rub
rub titty rub titty yea.
Singin' rub titty titty rub titty titty
titty rub titty rub titty rub
The assholes are here to stay
Second Chorus:
We're all queers together,
Excuse us while we go upstairs, IN PAIRS!.
We're all queers together,
And nobody bloody well cares.
The sexual life of the camel
is stranger than anyone thinks,
At the height of the mating season
he tries to bugger the sphinx.
But the sphinx's posterior sphincter
is clogged by the sands of the Nile,
Which accounts for the hump on the camel
and the sphinx' inscrutable smile.
The sexual life of the ostrich
is stranger than that of man.
At the height of the mating season
she buries her head in the sand.
When along comes the male of the species
and sees that ass flying high in the air,
He wonder's if it's male or female,
and says "What the fuck do I care?!?"
The sexual life of a bullfrog
is understood by some,
At the height of the mating season
he crawls up the arse of his chum.
But this vile orifice is horrible
and filled with foul gases and slime,
Which accounts for the croak of the bullfrog
and why he says "ugh" all the time.
In the anals of syphulization,
from anthropod ape down to man,
It is commonly held that the Navy
has buggered whatever it can.
But recent extensive researches,
by Darwin and Huxley and Hall,
Conclusively prove that the hedgehog
has never been buggered at all.
But theorems were meant to be broken
as in the postulate written above,
Regarding the plight of the hedgehog
and the boundaries of sexual love.
For a crafty ol' naval bugger
left his memoirs to Harvard and Yale,
Simply stating the fact that the hedgehog
can be buggered by shaving his tail.
Second Chorus Change
Me daddy drives a motorcar,
me mother rides a bike.
Me and me brother we hate each other
so I masturbate on his trike.
My name is Bruce you know me,
I live in Leicster Square,
With a pair of open toed sandles
and a gardenia in me hair.
Me father fucks me mother,
me father fucks him back.
And when he's done with her
he comes and rams it up me crack.
I went to sell me motorcar,
expecting much the worst.
He asked me for my bottom price,
I said lets talk about me motorcar first.
This morn' I went to my tailor.
He said, "What can I do for you Jack?"
I said, "A pair of velvet trousers
with the zipper up the back.!"
I road the puff puff yesterday,
There was barely room to stand.
A little boy offered me his seat,
so I took it in me hand.
The old men were having a birthday,
Standing at the bar,
Thinking about the old times,
Thinking back so far.
When along came a beautiful maiden,
By Christ, she was so fair,
When she asked the old men what they wanted
The old men all shouted, "Hair!"
'Twas Christmas eve at harem
and the eunuchs all were there,
Watching the vestigial virgins
combing their public hair.
When along came Father Christmas
echoing through the halls,
He asked the eunuch what they wanted
and they all answered BALLS (to your partner...)
Chorus: Balls to your partner, ass against
the wall,
if you've never been laid on Saturday night,
you've never been laid at all.
Verses:
First lady forward, second
lady back.
Third lady's finger up the fourth lady's crack.
The Queen was in the chamber, eating bread and honey,
The King was in the Chamber Maid, and she was in the money.
The village butcher he was
there, the cleaver in his hand,
and every time he turned around he circumcised a man.
The village harlot she was there, she was having fits,
swinging from the chandeliers and bouncing off her tits.
Little Eric he was there, he was having fun,
swinging off the chandeliers and bouncing off his buns.
The village carpenter he was there, looking like a fool,
he brought his saw and he brought his hammer, but he forgot his tool.
The village mortician he was the, quite out of breath,
while fucking a stiff it farted and it scared him half to death.
Bobbing for apples his wife was, fun to screw around,
when the village idiot tried it, the stupid fucker drowned.
Little Eric he was there, he was only eight,
he couldn't have the women so he had to masturbate.
Willie Randle he was there, at the hot-dog stand,
a grin upon his face and a wiener in his hand.
Mrs. Randell she was there, sitting on a bed,
weaving prophylactics from a spool of rubber thread.
Four & twenty virgins came down from Inverness,
and when the ball was over, there were four & twenty less.
Four & twenty prostitutes
came up from Glockamore,
and when the ball was over they were all of them double bored.
There was fucking in the hallway, fucking on the stairs,
you couldn't see the floor for the mass of pubic hairs.
There was fucking in the kitchen
and fucking in the halls,
you couldn't hear the music for the clanging of the balls.
Buxom hippie she was there, she was having fits,
she didn't wear her bra and kept stepping on her tits.
The village magician he was there, up to his usual tricks,
he pulled his foreskin over his head and disappeared up his prick.
The village idiot he was there sitting on a pole,
he pulled his foreskin over his head and whistled through the hole.
The village idiot he was there a-leaning on the gate,
he couldn't find a lassie so he had to flatulate.
The village cripple he was there, he wasn't up to much,
he lined them up against the wall and fucked them with his crutch.
The magician's daughter she was there, doing her favorite stunt,
She'd put her head between her legs and disappear up her cunt.
Little Eric he was there, what do you think about that?
Amusing himself by abusing himself and catching it in his hat.
The village economist he was there, pecker in his hand,
waiting for the moment when supply would meet demand.
The village prostitute she was there, lying on the floor,
Every time she spread her legs, the suction closed the door.
The village bride she was there, explaining to the groom,
The vagina not the rectum is the entrance to the womb.
The village blacksmith he was there, a mighty man was he,
he lined them up against the wall and fucked them three by three.
The fortune teller she was there, climbing up the walls,
He wanted a fuck but was out of luck for he had crystal balls.
A pregnant woman she was there, oh how her belly hung,
and every time you ate her out a hand would grab your tongue.
The village smithy he was there, sitting by the fire,
doing abortions by the score with a piece of red hot wire.
There was fucking on the couches, fucking on the cots,
and lined up against the wall were rows of grinning twats.
Little Joseph he was there, the leader of the choir,
he kicked the boys in the balls to make their voices higher.
There was fucking in the fields, fucking in the oats,
We were fucking women but Bator was fucking goats.
Markie Edwards he was there, looking for some coin,
They found him in the bathroom sucking on my groin.
The village plumber he was there feeling like a fool,
he'd come eleven leagues or more but forgot to bring his tool.
The parson's daughter she was there the cunning little runt,
with poison ivy up her ass and thistle up her cunt.
The village smithy he was there sitting by the fire,
doing abortions by the score with a piece of red hot wire.
The village doctor he was there he had his bag of tricks,
and in between the dances he was sterilizing pricks.
Little Richard he was there his prick was all alert,
but when the night was done 'twas dangling in the dirt.
The chimney sweep he was there they had to throw him out,
for every time he passed his wind the room was filled with soot.
The village postman he was there the poor man had the pox,
he couldn't fuck the lassies so he fucked the letterbox.
And when the ball was over everyone confessed,
they all enjoyed the dancing but the fucking was the best.
(Sung to the tune of "Jadda")
Abortion, Abortion, A-B-O-R-T-I-O-N
(Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Abortion, Abortion, A-B-O-R-T-I-O-N (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Well you get that poker nice and hot,
Then you shove it way up in her twat.
Oh Abortion, Abortion, A-B-O-R-T-I-O-N (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Abortion, Abortion, A-B-O-R-T-I-O-N (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Abortion, Abortion, A-B-O-R-T-I-O-N (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Sticks and coat hangers and all the rest,
But I like Drano, it ' s the best.
Oh Abortion, Abortion, A-B-O-R-T-I-O-N (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Baby Fuck, Baby Fuck, B-A-B-Y F-U-C-K (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Baby Fuck, Baby Fuck, B-A-B-Y F-U-C-K (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
First you throw the baby on the bed,
And then you fuck the soft spot in its head.
Oh Baby Fuck, Baby Fuck, B-A-B-Y F-U-C-K (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Blow Job, Blow Job, B-L-O-W J-O-B (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Blow Job, Blow Job, B-L-O-W J-O-B (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Eastside, westside, northside, south,
My baby likes it best when I cum in her mouth.
Oh Blow Job, Blow Job, B-L-O-W J-O-B (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Bum Fuck, Bum Fuck, B-U-M F-U-C-K (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Bum Fuck, Bum Fuck, B-U-M F-U-C-K (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Eastside, westside, northside, down,
My baby likes it best when I cum in her brown.
Bum Fuck, Bum Fuck, B-U-M F-U-C-K (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Dirtbag, Dirtbag, D-I-R-T-B-A-G (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Dirtbag, Dirtbag, D-I-R-T-B-A-G (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
They may be fat and they may be thin,
But - they 're all beauty queens when you get it in.
Dirtbag Dirtbag, D-I-R-T-B-A-G (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Hand Job , Hand Job, H-A-N-D J-O-B (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Hand Job, Hand Job, H-A-N-D J-O-B (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
You wrap your hand around your gland,
You slap it around 'til it just won't stand.
Hand Job, Hand Job, H-A-N-D J-O-B (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Muff Dive, Muff Dive, M-U-F-F D-I-V-E (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Muff Dive, Muff Dive, M-U-F-F D-I-V-E (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
She wraps her legs around your face,
You lick and slobber all over the place.
Muff Dive, Muff Dive, M-U-F-F D-I-V-E (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Poop Shoot, Poop Shoot, P-O-O-P S-H-O-O-T (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum
Poop Shoot, Poop Shoot, P-O-O-P S-H-O-O-T (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Back door, cornhole, it's a gas,
You ram that pecker right up her ass.
Poop Shoot, Poop Shoot, P-O-O-P S-H-O-O-T (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Scrotum, Scrotum, S-C-R-O-T-U-M (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Scrotum, Scrotum, S-C-R-O-T-U-M (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Well it's mangey, rangey, and covered with hair,
But what would you do if it wasn't there?
Scrotum, Scrotum, S-C-R-O-T-U-M (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
I really mean it, S-C-R-O-T-U-M.
Smegma, Smegma, S-M-E-G-M-A (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum
Smegma, Smegma, S-M-E-G-M-A (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
It's white and cheesy, and it smells like taint,
But if you eat too much, you're liable to faint.
Smegma, Smegma, S-M-E-G-M-A (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Sodomy, Sodomy, S-O-D-O-M-Y (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Sodomy, Sodomy, S-O-D-O-M-Y (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
you put the sheep's legs inside your boots,
so she won't change her mind when you're about to shoot.
so domy, Sodomy, S-O-D-O-M-Y (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Swallow, Swallow, S-W-A-L-L-O-W (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Swallow, Swallow, S-W-A-L-L-O-W (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
She'll swallow it all and she'll swallow it well,
She'll swallow it all 'cause she ain't on the pill.
Swallow, Swallow, S-W-A-L-L-O-W (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Taint, Taint, T-A-i-N-T (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Taint, Taint, T-A-I-N-T (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
It's not the ass and it's not the cunt,
It's the little bit of heaven 'tween the rear and the front.
Taint, Taint, T-A-I-N-T (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Tit Fuck, Tit Fuck, T-I-T F-U-C-K Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Tit Fuck, Tit Fuck, T-I-T F-U-C-K (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Northside, southside, eastside, west,
My baby likes it best when I cum on her chest.
Oh Tit Fuck, Tit Fuck, T-I-T F-U-C-K (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Titties, Titties, T-I-T-T-I-E-S (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum
Titties, Titties, T-I-T-T-I-E-S (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
Well their just a part of the epiderm,
But I like 'em best when they're big and firm.
Titties, Titties, T-I-T-T-I-E-S (Ba-Bum, Bum, Bum)
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