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Dramaturgical Note

"According to the Oxford English Dictionary, to be respectable is to be 'worthy of respect, deserving to be respected, by reason of moral excellence' or to be 'worthy or deserving of respect by reason of some inherent quality or qualities.' On the one hand, respectability is a quality that pertains to things, particularly to counting or measuring them: 'Considerable in number, size, quantity, etc.'

Ron Chambers play Respectable lives in the space between these definitions and in the way these definitions have become intertwined and twisted. Now, 'respectable' when applied to persons seems to attach more of the attributes which belong to things. To be respectable is to be considerable in size, in the quantity possessed. Respectability is about economic power not inherent quality regardless of social rank. Chambers wants us, the respectable theatre audience, to reexamine the meaning of the term and our position in relation to that meaning and, perhaps, to reclaim the former one. At the same time, he fears that the definition we embrace is a supposedly obsolete and rare one: 'convenient, suitable.' He fears that we make 'respectability' whatever we need to in order to take what we want.

The tension then between what the word should mean and what in commonly does mean lies at the heart of this play and the questions it asks of us. In particular, it asks of us here in Alberta what will we do to once again become truly 'respectable.'" --Bill Kerr (from the Dramaturg's notes in the program of the Workshop West Production of Respectable.)

"Last January, as I was putting together my first season here at Workshop West, my friend Ben Henderson gave me Respectable. I sat down at my desk and started to read. And laugh. And laugh. And laugh. For those who were in the office that day they must have thought I was losing my mind. Like a great murder mystery, I couldn't put the play down. I finished Respectable and immediately called Ron and Ben to do the play as a workshop reading at Springboards 2000. I programmed the play in the season shortly after the workshop.

Ron's characters, dialogue and great storytelling make him one of our most unique voices and playwrights in this country. I am honoured to be given the opportunity to bring you the Edmonton premiere of this fabulous new play Respectable by Ron Chambers." --Ron Jenkins (from the Director's notes in the program of the Workshop West Production of Respectable.)

Respectable is about two lowlifes, Hork and Saul, who meet a shadowy businessman named Billy and are offered a contract to distribute fireworks. They both think they've finally stumbled across a legitimate business opportunity, until they discover something very strange hidden among the boxes they are distributing.

This is a scene from the first act. When Saul first introduces Hork to Billy, things don't go very well. In the following scene, Hork returns to Billy's house to apologize for the way he behaved at their initial meeting. When he arrives, he has to speak with Doily, Billy's beautiful, coy, and elusive girlfriend:

HORK: Hi. I need to talk to Billy.

DOILY: Hello.

HORK: Hi. (Pause.) I need to talk to Billy.

DOILY: Can’t. (Pause.)

HORK: Can’t?

DOILY: He’s busy.

HORK: Oh. Busy... Oh ya. What... what’s he doing?

DOILY: Calculations.

HORK: What’s he… what’s he… cal… calculating?

DOILY: Possibilities.

HORK: Oh yeah… Well... His...? Well... (Pause.) Well... When is he...

DOILY: Soon.

HORK: Guess I... Guess I...

DOILY: You were going into business with Billy.

HORK: Fireworks.

DOILY: You made him very angry.

HORK: Yeah, I got to... apologize.

DOILY: Why?

HORK: I was an asshole last time I was here.

DOILY: So? Billy was an asshole. Is it necessary for one asshole to apologize to another?

(Pause.)

HORK: Well I wasn’t very— You think he’s an asshole?

DOILY: Would you like something to drink? Eat?

(Pause.)

HORK: Figure it’s a hell of a way to make a buck!

(BILLY enters unseen and watches.)

DOILY: I wouldn’t know.

(Pause.)

HORK: You know, I’m a heck of a lot smarter than what I came across as the other day.

DOILY: Are you?

HORK: You know, I started read— I read.

DOILY: What do you read?

HORK: Oh, all kinds of things. I’m reading that hyperspace book Billy was talking about.

DOILY: Oh.

HORK: That’s hard stuff in that book… I mean it’s like whew it’s like… but when I get something down, get it figured out, you know, it’s like… it’s like… holy cow, I didn’t know that… like…

DOILY: You seem like a nice man.

HORK: Oh. Thanks.

DOILY: Innocent. Kind of. I like that.

HORK: I’m not that innocent. I mean, I get into a lot of trouble.

DOILY: Oh?

HORK: Because... because I’m so innocent...

DOILY: Hork, yes?

HORK: Hork.

DOILY: Hork. Disgusting.

HORK: You can call me Kelly. That’s my real name.

DOILY: Kelly. Where did you get the name Hork?

HORK: I used to... I used to... Never mind.

DOILY: Your friend is disgusting too.

HORK: Saul.

DOILY: He kept staring at me.

HORK: He thinks you look like Ray-Ann McClusky.

DOILY: His high school crush?

HORK: Huh? No. She’s a star... Country and western. Nashville. Hurtin’ songs. Saul’s just nuts over Ray-Ann McClusky to begin with and then with you looking just like her... He loves your ass. He says he’s never seen an ass like yours.

DOILY: I should cut it off and give it to him. Would he like that?

HORK: Huh?

DOILY: He can have it laquered, set it on his coffee table..

HORK: Huh?

DOILY: Stare at it all he likes. Take it to bed with him. Like a teddy bear.

HORK: I like you. I mean I like you, like... normally.

DOILY: Thank-you, Kelly. It’s nice to be liked normally.

(HORK notices BILLY standing at the door.)

HORK: Oh Jesus! Oh Jesus! Christ! Fuck! I’m outta here! Christ! Okay! Okay! I’ll level with you. I like her. Okay. Yeah, I like her. I do. That’s not why I’m here. No. That’s not why I’m here!

BILLY: You’re back here? You’re here to raunch around with my woman?

HORK: That’s not why I’m back here! I’m back here to apologize to you. I’m just... I’m just admire... talking to her.

BILLY: You disturbed me!

HORK: Oh Jesus.

BILLY: I had a connection. A flash. A synthesis emerging and you burst in here with your moronic chatter. What the hell you do want?

HORK: I came to apologize.

BILLY: Coming in here, screwing around behind my back with Doily, my woman.

HORK: I came to apologize because... I’d like to work with you. I’d like to do stuff for you.

BILLY: Tantalizing poor Doily. Leading her astray.

HORK: I’m sorry. I just wanted to get in on the deal. I just wanted to...

BILLY: Are you grovelling?

HORK: Yes.

BILLY: That’s not grovelling in my opinion. To grovel effectively one must get down on one’s knees. (HORK gets down on his knees.) That’s better. Now bow to me. (HORK bows to him.)

HORK: Ow. My scab.

BILLY: What’s the matter?

HORK: My scab... I got this scab... It broke again... can’t bend...

(BILLY looks.)

BILLY: You’re infected. Doily, look at this.

(BILLY shows DOILY the scab.)

DOILY: Gross.

BILLY: Who do you think you are, bringing your scabby infected dermis in here?

HORK: I’m real sorry.

BILLY: Flustering my continence.

HORK: Just wanted to—

BILLY: Attempting surreptitious coitus with my woman, Doily.

HORK: I didn’t come for coitus. Just talking to her. Just wanted to talk to you about business.

BILLY: Business! With you!?

HORK: I guess not...

BILLY: Kiss my ass.

HORK: Okay bye.

(HORK turns to go. BILLY drops his pants.)

BILLY: Here it is. Here’s my ass: Now kiss it.

HORK: Kiss... What? I won’t... Huh? I won’t... I can’t do that... I—

BILLY: You want to do business? Humble yourself! KISS MY ASS! (HORK looks at DOILY, looks at BILLY, bends, kisses his ass quickly. Wipes his mouth. Pause.) Okay. Let’s do business.